A Real girlfriend…..is truly Priceless
A real girlfriend will not laugh when you text her at 3:00 in the morning to ask you the name of the guy she just took home from the bar. With him laying there in bed next to her. Ok she’ll laugh but only because she loves you.
A real girlfriend will not judge you when you sleep with an 18 year old young man – and he has to set the alarm to get up early in the morning because he has to go to school… high school. She just says “thank god you don’t have to drop him at the bus stop – did you pack his lunch?”
A real girlfriend will buy a vibrator, fall in love with it and buy one for each of her girlfriends because we should all cum like that on a daily basis.
A real girlfriend will agree with you when you complain about your boyfriend. The next day, a real girlfriend will agree with you when you claim you have the best boyfriend ever!
A real girlfriend will share in your lust for Zac Efron and Daniel Radcliffe. You’re not a pedophile as long as he’s legal.
A real girlfriend will not constantly remind you of the larger-than-life random attorney guy you made out with at the strip club.
A real girlfriend won’t care that you slept with two men consecutively in one night – she’ll just say “Awesome! How was it?”
A real girlfriend will never lie to you – but will always serve as an alibi for you.
A real girlfriend will share a pitcher of margaritas with one hour’s notice.
A real girlfriend will get a tattoo with you when you say “come on – I’m getting one, you have to get one!” I now have six tattoo’s but I do love my frog prince!
A real girlfriend will not judge your other friends and will even be cordial to them – but she will tell you she can’t stand them as soon as she gets her chance so you don’t make the mistake of bringing those annoying fucks around her twice.
A real girlfriend will love your kids as though they are her own – and will give your daughter tips on how to date two boys in two different towns.
A real girlfriend can simultaneously laugh and feel empathy for you when you tell her you tore your rotator cuff and sprained your shoulder getting tossed off the bed during sex with one of your POA’s.
A real girlfriend will not judge you for telling a guy to go to fuck off at one bar and then watch you dance with him at the next bar – she will just constantly remind you that you did that and laugh.
A real girlfriend will do the dishes you left in your sink when you scrambled to leave on vacation for two weeks.
A real girlfriend will not care what you look like in a bikini.
A real girlfriend will never tell you “I told you so.”
A real girlfriend is the only person who could “trim” your hair, intentionally take off 8 inches and not be the brunt of a murderous rant from you one week before you’re due to be a bridesmaid – there went the “up-do.”
A real girlfriend will tell you you’re beautiful, even when you’re the size of a house and one of your boobs is the size of her head.
A real girlfriend will forgive you for stripping in the parking lot at her wedding because you just couldn’t take being in that dress for one minute longer. Her friends, however, will never forget you. I am a legend in Anchorage for many reasons besides this one.
A real girlfriend will tell you she loves you every day – if not ten times a day.
A real girlfriend totally and completely understands, and can help you justify, every session of retail therapy.
A real girlfriend won’t care if you screw your boyfriend in her bed while you’re on vacation – just change the sheets when you’re done.
A real girlfriend will cry when you tell her your ex-boyfriend used to beat the hell out of you and then get pissed at you for not telling her before now, and then cry again.
A real girlfriend will come to your house every day for two weeks to feed and check on your cat, then email you on your second to last day to tell you “your cat is a fucking little bitch and I swear if she hides from me one more time making me think she’s dead as the girls search your house and she’s just sitting under the bed, I will throw her out a window. I love you” and you will only proceed to laugh your ass off.
A real girlfriend buys you a santa vibrator for christmas.
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