What you should NOT do as a career woman.

You should not go to the annual April 15^th party (think public accounting) and proceed to start drinking so heavily that someone has to be sent to the bar to retrieve you because your dinner has arrived.  You should not then proceed to have three bites of your steak, announce that you’re done and go back to the bar, bum a cigarette and proceed to make friends with all the men milling about.  You should not consume so much alcohol that you are talking about sex “quietly” with one of your managers and one of the partners is hanging on your every word, the women from your office are appalled and your co-workers cannot believe the shit that is pouring out of your mouth.  When one of the partners says it’s time to go and the other announces “Amanda – keep drinking! If you keep talking, I’ll keep buying, because I want to hear what’s going to come out of your mouth next!” you should probably go home. When your direct manager says “I have got to walk away from you because I will never be able to work with you if I hear more” you should probably stop drinking.  When you finally make it back to work two days later, you should not laugh when you hear that one of the managers spent the night in his car in his garage because his wife wouldn’t let him in the house, he was so drunk.  You should not be surprised when one of your co-workers cannot look you in the eye because you were talking about sexual positions he’s only witnessed in porn and he didn’t think “normal” girls really did that. You will however forever laugh when years following that debacle, they keep it to dinner and then please leave and get drunk elsewhere.

You should not go to work still drunk from the night before.  Besides wanting to eat everything in site, encountering an invariable shortage of water and coffee to keep you going, ten trips to the bathroom to shit your brains out and the inability to keep your balance in the stall and having to pray the stall walls can maintain your weight as you fall against them, you will hate yourself around 1:00 in the afternoon when the hangover sets in, you’re forced to go to two meetings and then start swearing to God you will never drink again if he will just make it 5:00 already.

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Tags: drinking, office etiquette, office protocol

This entry was posted on August 26, 2009 at 12:57 pm and is filed under Career Woman. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.