Today’s Contestants on Online Dating Sucks!
For the record, for you guys out there (and girls too maybe but mostly guys) – when you’re doing the online thing and you send a “wink,” what it tells me is you’re too lazy to take an extra minute and type a quick email – a wink does nothing for me but say “shit, now I have to go through the extra effort of going through your profile, which I probably won’t find interesting anyways since you’re such a lazy ass you can’t even type me a note.”
The first contestant is chris gkljkdlj – I can’t read his last name because he used some sort of garbled font – gut instincts tell me it’s a good thing he lives in Ashtabula, about 70 miles from me…. So let’s check him out! 5’11 (good), interested in women (great) relationship status – unknown. Huh? His Perfect Match is “a loveing woman who is honest and completely devoted to the things that matter most.” Did you catch the typo? Because I sure as hell did. We won’t even get into how he doesn’t know if he’s in a relationship or not….I think I’m done reading, aren’t you?
Next we have Precioso – he hails from Barberton, or Barbertucky as we affectionately refer to it because it’s a bit, well, back’ards. His profile picture is a llama eating a carrot. His Perfect Match is “tired of losers.” Well jackass, try posting a picture of yourself and maybe your luck will improve. Next!
Finally, we have Budinakron. Hmmmm I suddenly want a drink. Sweet Jesus! He’s 53, a widower, kids are grown and thank you Jesus he lives in Kent which is about 25 miles away. Wow, I’m really hitting the jackpot. Let me reiterate – I am 34 and would like to have a child – I don’t want to be changing my husband’s diapers in 20 years. Ok that’s mean, I’m sorry, but I’m really not interested in a 20 year spread – aren’t penises wrinkly enough without adding 20 years to them??
On to Datehookup where we have Jeep02057 who lives in Olmstead Falls, about 45 miles from me. Thank God because he has this to say…”Hi there, I am an average white male with brown hair and blue eyes. I work in healhcare industry. I am in an open relationship, I know its not for everyone but it works for me. I am looking for a lady between the ages of 25-40 for a casual relationship cause you can never have enough good friends. I love outdoors, camping, fishing, boating, kayaking, 4 wheeling. I also like to go to movies, dinners and ofcourse i always enjoy spending time with a classy lady..” Even if I were to forgive the grammatical/punctuation errors, an open relationship???? Yea dude, I’m definitely into that because I’m not looking for a commitment or anything!
Avella1 lives 76 miles away from me and is 5’3” tall. Fuck this. I’m not doing a long distance relationship with a guy who has to stand on his toes to kiss me.
And then we have Honest 70 who not only winked but wants to be my friend…awww…. Jesus. So he has no profile picture, lives in Waynesburg, about 15 miles from me. Now THIS is the way to start my morning: “i am somewhat quit and not into the games or bar sences. lookking for someone whos honest and careing and not into the games.”
I quit.
Popularity: 1% [?]
I met my partner 14 years ago from the OLD fashioned way of personal ads – the newspaper. I had an ad out, she responded to the 900 number and we met – and the rest is history. Now we’re married.
There IS hope. And just think – we didn’t even exchange photos! How scary is that???
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LOL I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried!! No, none of these sites apparently have spell check and none of these guys seem to understand why they are still single! LOL
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I love reading these posts about your online dating encounters. They are hysterical!
At first, I thought that you might just be making these up but I realized that there is no way anyone could imagine this type of stuff. It has to be true which is just sad and very embarrassing for guys everywhere.
Just out of curiosity, do these dating sites have spell/grammar check?
Another great post! I was definitely entertained today.
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Soemtiems yuo haev to ovrelook the tpyos and reailize taht ovreall, thsee aer men hoo watn to haev cake & eat it to.
(hehe)
First impressions mean so much, don’t they? I find it funny, but most men cannot type, nor come across as intelligent online. I’m not sure if it’s because they may be blue collar workers of some kind and never had an opportunity to sit down and practice good grammar, or if they are simply too lazy. The jackass candidate had me rolling on the floor. You’re hysterical. These “casual” opened relationship guys probably have wives and girlfriends who have no idea that they’re online trying to get some action.
When I was separated and on the prowl, I remember one dating site that had the little “wink”, and basically, when they wink at you, it’s because they do not have a premium account, which to me means: no money.
NEXT!
Great post! I was very entertained! Thank you!
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