Classes for Women… and Men

So how ironic – I post my Life’s Lessons and my Dad sends me the following email “joke” from a friend of his – Class for Women. I didn’t get pissed, I didn’t stew about it – I promptly edited it and sent them all the “Fall Classes for Men” adaptation you see below. Enjoy!

Fall Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Wednesday, October 7 , 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups..
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials..
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy–Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needederebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven–What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

So here’s what I sent back….

Fall Classes for Men at

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Wednesday, October 7 , 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1

Plug It In, Move Back and Forth – How to Iron Your Own Clothing

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2

Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down or Drying Off Your Toothbrush When Your Wife Throws it in the Bowl After Dunking Her Ass in the Toilet During her 2 a.m. Pee?Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is it possible to stop and ask for directions when you’re hopelessly lost? Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between a Walmart Purse and a Gucci Bag –Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Toenail clippings –Can They Be Thrown into a Trash Receptacle?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6

How to Choose One Television Program to Watch Rather Than Flip Between Four Shows Every Two Minutes and Obsessively Channel Surf

Help Line Support and Support Groups..

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Can a Shower be Taken and Your Towel Really Be Hung Up on the Towel Bar When You’re Done Drying Off?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch–They Make Medicine for Erectile Dysfunction – Use It!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

I Was Wrong and She Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials From Men Who’ve Seen the Light..

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

How To Pay for Parking So Your Wife Doesn’t Have to Walk Four Blocks in Four Inch Heels

4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live–How to Not React with Road Rage when Someone Cuts You Off In Traffic

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How To Dress Yourself

Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13

How To Avoid Divorce – Let Your Wife Do the Grocery Shopping Her Way

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Kitchen Sink and the Dishwasher–What They Are and How They Are Used.
Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors

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Tags: classes for men, classes for women, life's lessons

This entry was posted on October 9, 2009 at 11:51 am and is filed under Lessons, Guidelines, Rules to live by. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.