This is a joke, right?..

Ok…I have fully accepted that the online dating sites is God’s way of just dicking with me.  I do not think that I am ready for the Miss America contest – however, that having been said, I do not think I should be Ohio’s magnet for every freak, moron and fifty-year old man.  Christ.  Walk with me on my journey through internet dating sites.

Bobby is an Aries and lives a few miles away from me in podunk Orrville…. He can’t seem to send an email, just a wink, which means I have to check out his profile…..ok, he’s 6’4….good sign…he’s 40 and divorced… he says:  I’M A MAN WHO HAS A LOT TO OFFER IN THE WAY OF MY HEART I AM A MUSICAIN I PLAY IN A BAND CALLED DIXIE FRYED I WORK ALOT IN STATE AND OUT BUT LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO SPEND FREE TIME WITH.I AM 6.4 AND ABOUT 207 BOUNDS BROWN HAIR AND BROWN EYES..MY NAME IS BOBBY XXXXXX I CAN BE FOUND ON MY SPACE.LOOK ME UP.”

I hate when they yell at me.

Titatium69red is a black Muslim – now that’s a combination to bring home to Daddy – my father, who just wants to shoot a Muslim.  Jesus is playing a cruel joke on me.

Nolan…..well, Nolan has this to say about his perfect match: “i love a lady with big boobs”  He’s 33 and never married – I wonder why.  He’s such a deep guy, how are women able to resist him?

Chevypow emails me to tell me his name is Joe and has attached a photo – how nice.  The photo is dated 2001.  How not nice – I don’t give a shit who you are, unless you’re my Mother who hasn’t aged in 10 years, we all look different 8 years later.

Schmittle dropped me a line… the subject?  “I would love to spank you!”    hmmm almost as good as the “can I munch on your thighs” or whatever that other freak had sent me…..

And then…do we remember Bryan? I’d have to go through my old posts, but I’m pretty sure this moron sent me the exact same message he sent me before!!!…

hello,my name is bryan.i’ve probably already wrote you before but no responce.but i writing one more time to say i hate being single and i will find someone very soon and if you dont want then disregard this message.i’m done with this singles site.this is my last goaround at this.i got alot to give.i play keyboards for the bulletproof band and i work every weekend.music is my life.without music then theres no me.i’m looking for a lady that knows how to love.who will be by my side on every occation.good and bad.and looking for a lover who knows how to love.i play every weekend at the country comfort saloon in canton.looking for someone who will stand by my side.and i will stand by yours.this is my last attempt to get ahold of you.i’ll will be playing at the country comfort saloon.here are the directions…………………………XXXXXX Comfort Saloon is located at detail instructions to the bar, as well as full address and phone number follow….YOU CAN ALSO USE MAPQUEST.comi got alot of chicks comming up to me at the bar but i dont like to date ladies from the bar.i would rather have to you to hold.i would rather have you to hold.i am very very affectionate.love hugs and love to be loved.i am very smart about life and whatever comes with it.other than playing the bar i also write my own songs.one day in my life i would love to write music for movie soundtracks.so this is your last chance to have a real man who will not try to be someone who i’m not.im 100%real.its up to you.

I’m starting to really thank God that I bought a couple great vibrators a week ago because damn! My vagina’s gonna be one lonely girl at this rate!  Ok, let’s be honest, I’m too much of a slut for my vagina to get lonely, but still…..not one fuckable guy in the bunch.  I’m really hoping the one seemingly decent guy I’ve met in the last week will turn out to be at least a good fuck buddy for a month or so…..and who knows, he could even be the one….ok, who am I kidding? I just need some new ass first and foremost – anything else is a bonus.

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This entry was posted on November 11, 2009 at 8:48 am and is filed under Online Dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.