My Letter To God
Ohio got shit-dumped with a foot of snow and I had a snow day today. After keeping my domesticated ass busy with cleaning, cooking, baking bread and ginger snaps, I’m chilling out, thinking about life and whatnot and thought I’d write a letter to God. Hee hee – do you think he’ll answer? LOL
Dear God,
I realize you’re a pretty busy entity, what with earthquakes destroying Haiti, wars all over the fucking place and the general level of evil and morons in the world, but I wanted to drop you a line and make a few easy requests. I mean, for someone who deals with mega-huge issues, my little requests should be candy sprinkles for someone like you.
First, it’d be great if you could help expedite taking the 20 pounds off my frame that I’m dying to lose. But I’d like to keep my gigantic DD tits. Oh and if I could grow the ten inches of hair on my head that I’m trying to grow, but only do it over say two months, that’d be a great help too.
Next, I really wouldn’t mind being discovered as an incredible writer so I could stop working 12 hour days and bleeding orange for my company. I love my job, but I am pretty sure I can feel it sucking six months off my life every day that I go in. If I could earn a living as a writer, I could enjoy what I do PLUS work in my pajamas and smoke at any time during the day. That would just be lovely.
If you could please eliminate all the bullshit that my family and friends have to put up with, from cunt bitches of ex-wives to asshole fiance’s, money issues out their asses and houses having a multitude of problems, that’d be a real bonus. I think everyone could use a break.
And about my relationship status… Look – I get that I’m really good at being single, and enjoy it for the most part, however, I would still love to find that right guy. You know… the one who’s really tall since I have such an attraction for tall guys, with that great cock, someone who will get along with my family and friends, who won’t take me for granted, who likes to play card and board games, is an incredible kisser, snuggles with me but lets me have my own space in bed to sleep at night, likes my cat, gives great hugs, lives life to the fullest, is good looking, has a great sense of humor, respects me, loves me, trusts me, will make new memories with me, will go antiquing with me, can carry on an intelligent conversation, can fuck the hell out of me without giving me a UTI, a bladder infection and a yeast infection, doesn’t get all over my ass for smoking because I get enough of that shit from my parents, makes me feel great and also doesn’t give me shit for being a purse whore, I will, in exchange, do everything in my power to ensure that he knows I love him every day, respect his space and not blow up his phone when he goes out with the guys, try very hard to trust him even though that’s very difficult for me, trusting a man because well, you know…. And I’ll give him a blowjob whenever he wants it, bake him any treats that he may request, fuck him whenever he wants it and iron his clothes. We can split the house-chores.
I think that just about covers it. Oh and I’d like to not have any more surgeries because I truly believe that having 16 in one lifetime is really enough. Oh and I’d like to have a baby but I’m 35 so we really need to get on that get me a man shit, ok?
Thank you and have a nice day.
Amen
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