Bastardized Nursery Rhymes
| Jack and Jill went up the hill, |
| To fectch a pail of water. |
| Jack fell down and broke his crown, |
| And after saying “you stupid dumbass” |
| Jill came giggling after. |
| Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, |
| Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, |
| Stupid fucking egg…and then you |
| Bitched and moaned because |
| All the King’s horses and all the King’s men |
| Couldn’t put your stupid ass back together again. |
| Jack be nimble |
| Jack be quick. |
| Don’t be too quick asshole or |
| You’ll be replaced with a BOB or |
| Possibly your candlestick. |
| Two little dicky birds sitting on a wall, |
| One named Peter, one named Paul. |
| No woman wants to fuck a little dick, |
| Go away Peter, go away Paul! |
| There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, |
| She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do! |
| So she gave them some broth without any bread |
| And took yet another man into her bed – whore. |
| One, two, buckle my shoe |
| Three, four, lock the door |
| Five, six, take some pics |
| Seven, eight, lay me out straight |
| Nine, ten, I’ll tell you when |
| Eleven, twelve, dip and delve |
| Thirteen, fourteen, we’re a humping |
| Fifteen, sixteen, snacks in the kitchen |
| Seventeen, eighteen, don’t keep me waiting |
| Nineteen, twenty, orgasms-a-plenty. |
| Little Jack Horner sat in the corner |
| Eating out his girlfriend’s Y, |
| He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum |
| And said “What the fuck is this shit??!” |
| Little Boy Blue I’ll blow your horn, |
| I’ll fuck you so good you’ll think we’re in porn. |
| You can pound me so hard I’ll scream like a banshee, |
| I’ll ride you so good you’ll beg for mercy. |
| And in the morning if you want to wake me? |
| Lick it, suck it, slide it in and get me on my knees. |
| Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town, |
| Now really?? Wee Willie Winkie?? |
| What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? |
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