If You Want To Date Me……
For the record, to all the naysayers out there, all the crazy ex’s who’d say “you can’t expect to find that in one man” or “you shouldn’t have rules, nobody’s perfect,” I say a big Fuck You, it’s been great proving you wrong.
Recall, my readers, my “If you want to date me” rules provided so lovingly by my shrink after my last long-term abusive chaotic warped mind-fucking relationship ended….
- Be gainfully employed.
- Have no criminal record or DUI(s)
- Have a healthy, positive relationship with your family.
- Have a college education
- Pay your bills.
- Not be abusive – verbally or physically.
- Not have a drinking or drug problem.
- Be supportive without being domineering, be loving and caring without being needy or suffocating.
- Appreciate and encourage my career and interests.
- Be great in bed.
I’ve been told by many men that “sometimes you just make mistakes” (DUI or criminal record). “The economy has really sucked, I just can’t find anything/make enough money” (be gainfully employed/pay your bills). “I just can’t get close enough to you” (suffocating – as in glued to the side of my hip while sitting on the sofa or sleeping in bed). Blah blah blah. Every excuse in the book for why they don’t meet all these criteria. Do you want to know how many relationships of mine have worked with men who didn’t meet all of these criteria? Zip. Nada. Zero. Zilch.
But to all you naysayers who think my list is shit, I say every woman should use it as her bible. Because when you find the guy who meets all of these criteria: Has a job and has always had a steady work history, is athletic but not manorexic, has a great sociable personality, no criminal record/DUI, have a great relationship with his parents and younger brothers, is college educated, pays his bills, is the most courteous and sweet man you’ve ever met, isn’t waking up at 3 p.m. every day to start his daily drunk, is not at all suffocating even when you’ve spent five of the last six evenings with him, admires your college education and career and is absolutely the best fuck you have ever had in your entire freaking life, is 6’4” and he’s only 27?? What??! Screw the 8 year age gap and grab on with two hands – this is the guy for you!
Yes ladies, you can find him – it may take three years and random circumstances causing you to meet, but you will find that great guy and you will realize that he’s the reason you’ve held out and didn’t settle for the jerk who screwed you over all the time, or the guy who chewed his food like a girl or the guy who was completely psychotic. And what’s more – as much as you like having your space and independence, it will not even dawn on you to say “No, I really need a night to myself” when he asks repeatedly to see you almost every night. Because you just can’t get enough of him. You will want to see him as much as he wants to see you. You will have a great balance of evenings alone with him as well as evenings out with all the gang. And you’ll be really glad that he’s moving in with one of your best friends, a whopping two minutes from your house. And that he’s incredible in bed – did I mention that already?
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I say good for you for knowing what you want! On top of that, I really don't think that you're asking for the world in your "If You Want to Date Me" list…they're called STANDARDS!!!! A helpful piece of advice for the single ladies out there, make your list BEFORE you start dating someone. That way you know you're not compromising on what you want in a man or making excuses if/when they fall short. Don't settle.
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Getting there – LOL he has three brothers, all younger tho!
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So, who is he and does he have a brother?
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