Dear Abby – Seriously – What The Fuck?!
DEAR ABBY: I just joined a gym, and I love everything about it except for one thing — the ladies’ locker room.
I am modest so I use the private changing rooms when getting dressed. There are some women who feel very comfortable walking around in various stages of undress. Not only are they naked, they don’t think twice about bending over to get into their lockers, or standing topless while blow-drying their hair.
In a place full of mirrors, seeing all this is difficult to avoid. I don’t want to stop using the locker room because it’s convenient. Is there anything I can do, or must I put up with the peep shows? — MISS MODESTY IN PRINCETON, N.J.
Miss Modesty – try Miss Prude. Give me a break – have you not ever had a gym class in high school or gone to college where you had communal showers? Honey, you’re talking to the bitch who would face the windows in the classroom and rip off her shirt in the 6th grade while changing for gym class. Get over yourself. Are you so uptight and conservative that you’re afraid some 300 pound butch lesbian is going to maul you in front of everyone when she sees your uneven tits? Or do you think that someone’s just going to dive right into what I’m sure is your unshaven, jungle-like bush? You’re working out in a gym for god’s sake – I’d be more concerned about contracting some communicable disease rather than seeing some tits and ass.
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend is very sweet. The problem is, she wants to have sex with me. I don’t think I am ready for that. I also don’t know how to approach my parents about this. I really need some help — fast! — NOT READY IN PENNSYLVANIA
Dear Not Ready in PA – you are gay.
DEAR ABBY: The other day I asked my husband a question and told him to be honest. If given a choice between giving up wine or giving up sex with me, which would he choose?
You guessed it. He said, “Giving up sex with you.” I think I knew the answer before I asked the question, but hearing it out loud devastated me.
I know every woman wants to be No. 1 in her husband’s life. Am I wrong to feel so heartbroken? — LOST THE BATTLE TO CHARDONNAY
Dear Lost the Battle – allow me to stop laughing my ass off. You must really, really suck in bed – and I don’t mean suck good, like you could suck start a Buick; I mean you must be like fucking a pile of dead rags, or a corpse, or a stuffed bear. Because no man in his right mind who is getting any kind of decent, mildly wet, not stretched out so far it’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway, piece of ass is going to give it up for a fucking bottle of wine and not even a good one at that.
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Jajajajaja Sam, I don't know how do you manage to find this priceless questions! I have never heard of a guy (or boy) saying he is not ready to have sex!
We miss you on BC!
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