More of A Real Girlfriend….
A real girlfriend buys you a pack of 50 AA batteries for Christmas every year….for your collection of vibrators.
A real girlfriend will not comment negatively on the skeezball you’re dating because she knows you and realizes that in about four days, you’ll be done with him and his name won’t even be remembered, let alone his existence even matter.
A real girlfriend helps you butcher the sappy-ass cheesey daily calendar quotations from the terrible desk calendar you bought for the this year….such as “People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.” – Ann Landers. “What a buzz kill.” – CB
A real girlfriend texts you when the Disney channel is running all three High School Musical movies because she knows you share her insane lust for Zac Efron. Shut Up – He’s legal now.
A real girlfriend brings you a bottle of shampoo and conditioner to keep at your boyfriend’s house – because no woman wants to use the generic shit men use.
A real girlfriend promises to buy you a Bentley and pay off all your debts when she wins the lottery…which she only plays about once a year, but still, it’s the thought that counts.
A real girlfriend tells you all the best stores to visit to indulge in your purse-whore fetish. And then is equally disappointed when you go to all of them and can’t find one purse you even like.
A real girlfriend will try to help you remember the name of that one guy you dated for a couple months and then just refer to him as the Dominatrix Guy because neither of you can remember his name. But then again, it’s so rare that any of their names are worth remembering….
A real girlfriend will explain to the nail tech that you both go to that while she’s a freak in bed, YOU’RE the one who’s got the higher sex drive. The nail tech thinks we’re both off the charts.
A real girlfriend will continue to feed you shots of Captain because while she loves you, laughing at your hungover ass is just too entertaining to pass up. She will even text you two days later with a “Hey Chicky – I didn’t read about your death in the paper, so did you survive Friday night ok?” Bitch. You know damn well I was beyond wasted.
A real girlfriend loves your boyfriend before she even meets him because she already knows how happy he makes you. And Thanks God with you that he’s got such a great cock and knows how to fuck you.
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