Dear Abby…Really, What The Fuck??
DEAR ABBY: I recently got genital herpes. I am very depressed over it and am experiencing a lot of difficulties, not to mention the expense.
The man I caught the virus from, “Jack,” claims he didn’t know he had herpes. I don’t know what to believe, except that I should be compensated. My life has been destroyed. I hate the fact that this happened and, to top it off, Jack has changed his phone number! Is this a criminal act? Should I take action? — OUTRAGED IN MISSOURI
You stupid twat. Guess what – congrats on getting the gift that keeps on giving. It’s called wrapping it up, honey, and that is something you clearly didn’t do. Nor did you notice the fun bumps on or around his dick? Are you retarded? What tipped you off – that cold sore that just wouldn’t go away?
Sorry babes, but you can’t sue someone for giving you an STD and expect to win it – you had as much say as he did in wrapping it up and clearly didn’t. And your life hasn’t been destroyed – you’re not going to die, you have to be extra careful during breakouts and whatnot. Oh, and WRAP IT UP.
DEAR ABBY: I am 35 years old and the mother of two children. The oldest is 4 and my little one just turned 1. My mother-in-law had gastric bypass surgery two years ago. She lost a lot of weight and looks great, having gone from a size 16 to a size 4. My problem is the comments she makes about my weight in the presence of others. For example, “Do you see that ‘Cate’ is so big-boned and I am so petite?” It hurts, and I don’t know what to do about it. What can I say to her the next time she says something like that? — “CATE” IN OKLAHOMA CITY
How about the next time she makes that kind of remark, simply say “Well, not all of us can afford to have our stomach stapled down to the size of a dixie cup because we were unable to stop shoveling food down our throats or get up off our fat asses and go for a walk every day.” Let me know what she says.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating “Irving” for about a year. He is intelligent, financially stable and loves me and my son. However, over the last seven or eight months he has said some things that have hurt me very much. For instance, he has told me to watch what I say around his business associates, and when he thinks I have been too loud around them, he tells me afterward — almost in a fatherly tone — that I need to keep it low key.
He isn’t the most sensitive or compassionate man I have ever met, and I find those to be important qualities in a mate. Irving has also made comments about my weight — specifically, that he doesn’t want me to gain any.
Some of my friends are telling me to drop him, but I have invested a year in this guy and I hate to think it was for nothing. He’s been talking marriage, and in the beginning I was excited. Now, I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. Can you help? — CAUTIOUS IN TENNESSEE
Hey Cautious – guess what? Irving is a prick, plain and simple. He doesn’t love you, he enjoys telling you what to do and criticizing you. So how about you pack up your and your son’s shit, tell Irving he should stop gaining weight because it’s making his dick shrink and walk out on his ass and go find a guy who will not only love you but will also treat you like gold. Because no man is worth staying with when he’s a prick.
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FYI you can pass herpes to someone without having a sore. You can carry the herpes virus and never have an outbreak. Condoms do not prevent the spread of herpes. But be judgemental about it. Or..be more informed.
Love the site tho!
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