Dear Abby…Teenage and Imbecile Love…What The Fuck??
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 15-year-old boy who is trying to figure out my career. I’m with “Jen,” the girl of my dreams, and I intend on being with her forever. We plan to have kids in the future. I want to be a pilot, and Jen wants to be a stay-at-home mom. I realize, though, that if I’m a pilot I won’t be home much, and I know that’s not good for a couple trying to start a family. All I ever dreamed about was becoming a pilot, and I don’t think I can give this up.
At the same time, my family comes first. How do I go about solving this problem? — PLANNING AHEAD IN MISSOURI
You’re kidding me. Please tell me you’re kidding me. You’re 15 fucking years old and you think you’ve got it all figured out? You intend on being with her forever – you’re 15! You want to be a pilot and your oh-so-inspiring girlfriend wants to be a stay-at-home mom. Ambitious. Dude. It’s called reality. One, what happened to people wanting to go to college and continue learning? Two – it’s not like pilot school is going to be in your hometown. So how are you going to support your too-lazy-to-work girlfriend/wife while you’re a full-time pilot student? Oh – and you’re fucking 15! What the fuck! No one makes life plans at 15 and actually sticks with them! Where are you parents? Do they really think it’s healthy for a 15 year old kid to be so committed to some girl at that age?? You haven’t even completed puberty yet!
DEAR ABBY: Do you think it’s appropriate to laugh when someone inadvertently falls — especially if it’s unclear whether the individual is hurt?
I have never found it amusing to see someone fall. Instead, I feel concern. Some of my friends think that laughing is not only the appropriate response, but “necessary” to help ease the embarrassment of the individual who has fallen. Who’s right? — COMPASSIONATE WITNESS IN SEATTLE
Ok – I’m sorry, but I say it all the time. No matter who I’m with, should you fall because of some ridiculous mis-step, drunken stumble or just plain lack of coordination, I will proceed to laugh my ass off, take a picture, help you up and then post that picture on Facebook as we’re waiting for your ankle to get x-rayed in the emergency room. Come on people – life’s too short to take it seriously and chuckling at someone who’s fallen is not a big deal! And guess what you compassionate holier-than-thou-probably-has-no-sense-of-humor, there’s actually a science behind laughter!
“According to the incongruity theory humor arises when logic and familiarity are replaced by things that don’t usually go together. Researcher Thomas Veatch for example thinks that laughter is simply the brain’s response to two sets of incompatible thoughts and emotions occurring simultaneously.
According to the superiority theory (that dates back to Aristotle) we laugh when we see somebody else doing something stupid or having some kind of misfortune and we feel superior to this person. When we feel such superiority we laugh. (When we feel superior because we have done something we feel proud of and not amused.)
Finally, the relief theory holds that laughter occurs when tension breaks without anything serious happening. Dr. Lisa Rosenberg pointed out that humor helps people cope with stressful situations.”
[ http://news.softpedia.com/news/Why-Do-We-Laugh-28974.shtml]
DEAR ABBY: I’m 17 and have been dating “Raymond” for two years. The thing that concerns me is we aren’t supposed to be attracted to other people, but I think he is. During arguments he has thrown other girls in my face. That really hurt, and I can’t get over it.
I think he’s attracted to other girls, but he doesn’t want me to be attracted to other guys. Can you please give me some advice? I’d really like to know what’s going on inside his head. Are his eyes for me only? — TEEN IN MERCED, CALIF.
Christ almighty – is there an epidemic of young teenagers thinking they’re madly in love and really just being dumber than a box of fucking rocks? “I think he’s attracted to other girls”….Really? No shit – give it a dick, it wants all the pussy within 50 yards of it. And don’t try to tell me you don’t think any other guys are hotties – we have hormones for a reason, sweetheart. What the hell is with all these teenagers committing themselves to teenage boys for years?? Sow your wild oats! Date lots of people! Go to some frat parties! Who the hell commits to someone when they’re not even old enough to vote, drink in a bar or buy cigarettes?!
DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Russ,” and I have been married 13 years. During that time he has lost more than 15 jobs for various reasons — tardiness, not performing up to par, etc. I finally was able to convince him to get tested when I noticed he was having difficulty paying attention. He was diagnosed with ADHD, and they said he has an IQ of about 80. WHOA – an IQ of 80 and you’re JUST NOW realizing this??? Honey – an IQ of 80 classifies him as “Dull” – just 15 more points and he’s considered “Defective” (terms are from the Terman classification – get pissed at him).
I am working on my doctorate. I hold a job with other wives whose husbands have “great jobs,” and I sometimes don’t know what to say about Russ. He’s a good person, very loving and tries his best, but honestly, I do get frustrated and have a little bit of “husband envy.”
Russ is 50 and we have no children. How do I come to grips with the fact that he may never be a provider? — CHALLENGED IN NEW YORK
Sorry honey – but while people may drop an IQ point or two depending on how much drugs or alcohol they’ve abused, but they don’t become imbeciles. Something tells me that you found a guy who never argued with you because he didn’t know how, did what you told him to do because he found someone who’d take care of him and support his ass while he fumbled from job to job and he made you feel great about yourself because you’re just so special and smart with your Doctorate program. Way to commit your life to someone to keep the fire lit under your subliminal superiority complex.
Your husband may be the idiot, but you’re the supreme bitch who is now holding his always-apparent IQ deficiency against him because it’s no longer jiving with your lifestyle.
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I too laugh at teenagers that think they already found the "one" and want to be with them for the rest of their lives. However, I do remember being madly infatuated (I called it love then though) with a guy in high school. I guess until you actually love someone for real you can't tell the difference between hormone-ridden infatuation and love.
About the PhD candidate with the low-IQ husband I think you were spot-on SJ. She probably didn't date much, no nerd does, and just settled for that guy. Now that she realizes that the guy is certifiable dumb she wants out? what a biatch!
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LMAO that is hilarious – mountain dew and skinny jeans….because constricting your balls is going to infertilize your sperm?
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I'm so glad I missed this new generation of teens. My 17 yr old nephew just informed my sister that Mountain Dew and and skinny jeans can prevent pregnancy…huh? I mean really, WTF is going on these days. The only way skinny jeans would work is if he kept the suckers zipped up. What is going on? Is that what happens to sperm on drugs?
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