Time for Quotes!!!!
So I think it’s time for some more quotes – some of these (ok, a lot of these) have been modified by myself and my co-worker CB….due to our continued struggle with the piece of shit software we are implementing which sucks our asses so hard you’d think we were sitting on Hoovers. A lot of these quotes are lame – which is why CB and I modified them for more modern day applicability. The software is Clarity aka BCD, the quotes are for your enjoyment.
“One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time.” – Barbara Walters…..”except for the damn pebble in your shoe. It gets you every time” – CB
“There’s nothing like staying at home for real comfort.” – Jane Austen….”At least when you’re at home, you don’t have to use Clarity – THAT’S real comfort.” – SJ
“Just saying “NO” prevents teenage pregnancy the way “have a nice day” cures chronic depression.” – Faye Wattleton
“Do not neglect gratitude. Say “thank you.” Better still, say it in writing.” – Princess Jackson-Smith….”Dear Clarity, Thank you, Sir, May I have another? Love, SJ & CB” – CB
“Talk happiness. The world is sad enough without your woe. No path is wholly rough.” - Ella Wheeler Wilcox…”Unless it’s the path to BCD.” – CB
“Don’t hold grudges. It’s pointless.” – Liz Smith…”Unless it’s Clarity. Clarity is pointless & therefore deserves our grudges. We’ve earned it.” – CB
“Saying ‘thank you’ creates love.” – Daphne Rose Kingma…”so does saying, ‘Fuck me.’ – CB
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being recreated.” – Brenda Ueland….”too bad men can’t listen with their dicks since they already think with them!” – CB
“You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.” Sidonei-Gabrielle Colette…”unless you’re installing Clarity – then just pray for death.” – SJ
”People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim” – Ann Landers…”What a buzz kill!” – CB
“You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you’re going to live. Now.” – Joan Baez….””I choose life – without Clarity.” – CB
“I came out of the womb a diva. All it means is that you know your worth as a woman.” – Cindi Lauper…”but I thought Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?” – CB
“I don’t believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoy the process.” – Oprah Winfrey…”If you don’t enjoy the process, you’re just fucked.” – SJ
“Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone’s life forever.” – Margaret Cho…”Thank you Mother Teresa.” – CB
“One of the most rewarding and beautiful moments of a friendship happens in the unforeseen open spaces between planned activities. It is important that you allow these spaces to exist.” – Christine Leefeldt….”They also happen over a pitcher of margaritas.” – SJ
“Touch the lightbulbs in your house with a scent and watch your rooms turn into a garden.” – Estee Lauder…”Clarity smells like shit.” – CB
“Being powerful is like being like a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher…”Why don’t I just wear a shirt that says ‘I don’t have a penis’?” – CB
“See into life – don’t just look at it.” – Anne Baxter…”See life through your margarita glass and you’ll enjoy and appreciate it more.” – SJ
“Vitality! That’s the pursuit of life, isn’t it?” – Katharine Hepburn…”so is Captain….” – CB
“I consider sex a misdemeanor – the more I miss, de meaner I get.” – Mae West
“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.” – Joan Rivers
“It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.” – Tallulah Bankhead
“The key to change….is to let go of fear.” – Rosanne Cash…”The key to change…is to count it twice.” – CB
“Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.” – Virginia Woolf…”I go to the bottle.” – CB
“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” – Lily Tomlin
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