Holy Shit I’m Thankful

 Ok so you know how random stupid thoughts pop into your head and you can’t stab them out of your head fast enough?  My ex piece of shit douchebag popped into my head this morning which just opened the flood gates of “remember when you lived with Eric who hit you and broke your heel and ankle when he was dating MaryJo and thought he was clever but you were dating John and MaryJo was dating Mike and the laugh was really on him and then you left douchebag once and for all and started sleeping with  Posty for a few years who had his ugly cokehead girlfriend Lori and all those random internet dating doofus idiots you’d meet and then when you dated Crazy Gabe for a split second who was fucking insane and nasty?” 

See what I mean?  Floodgates of random thoughts.  Welcome to my head.

So I’m sitting here, a smidge irritated with work for 1,001 reasons and then I get a text from my husband that just makes me smile and I realize that I’m so thankful for the life I have today – that as much fun as I may have had in my life past, my life now is incredibly freaking superfragilisticexpealidocious awesome.

Case in point:

I’m educated with three degrees and can formulate a sentence without breaking at least six English grammar rules.

When I look in the mirror and see a fat roll being accentuated by my shirt, I promptly change my shirt since the general public should not be subjected to my fat roll and neither should my husband.

I have a J-O-B and when I check out at Giant Eagle on the 1^st day of the Month with my five snotty kids under the age of 6 and two without shoes on, I know that I’m paying for my groceries with money I’ve earned, not the money the five people behind me earned.  Just sayin.’

I don’t have five snotty kids – you know why? I use birth control.

My mother-in-law does not drive me crazy.  Neither does my father-in-law. Nor my brothers-in-law.  In fact, I love my in-laws.  Thank you Jesus.

I don’t own jeggings. [actual photo I took outside our local Big Lots store].

I’ve never been to jail – so I don’t have to worry about carrying jail cooties with me for the rest of my life.

I don’t watch The Jersey Shore – I like myself too much.

I don’t live in a trailer park – I think that has to be so depressing. They never have fun names either like “Sunnydale Trailer Park” or “Sunshine Trailers.”  It’s always something like “Desolate End of the Road Trailerville” or something like that.

I have one vehicle, with four tires, that works and is parked in my garage.

I have a husband who humors my absurd obsession with Glee.

I’m not ugly and I have a nice rack.

I know my ABC’s and 123’s and don’t have to use my fingers or toes to recite them.

I don’t have a crazy crackhead cousin who squeezed his girlfriend’s puppy to death during an argument. [true story].

I don’t get into bar fights – nor do I go to bars where bar fights are common occurrences.

I’m 36 married to a 28 year old.  Need I say more?

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This entry was posted on September 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm and is filed under Random tidbits and insight. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.