“One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time.” – Barbara Walters…..”except for the damn pebble in your shoe. It gets you every time” – CB

“There’s nothing like staying at home for real comfort.” – Jane Austen….”At least when you’re at home, you don’t have to use Clarity – THAT’S real comfort.” – SJ

“Just saying “NO” prevents teenage pregnancy the way “have a nice day” cures chronic depression.” – Faye Wattleton

“Do not neglect gratitude.  Say “thank you.” Better still, say it in writing.” – Princess Jackson-Smith….”Dear Clarity, Thank you, Sir, May I have another? Love, SJ & CB” – CB

“Talk happiness.  The world is sad enough without your woe. No path is wholly rough.” - Ella Wheeler Wilcox…”Unless it’s the path to BCD.” – CB

“Don’t hold grudges.  It’s pointless.” – Liz Smith…”Unless it’s Clarity. Clarity is pointless & therefore deserves our grudges. We’ve earned it.” – CB

“Saying ‘thank you’ creates love.” – Daphne Rose Kingma…”so does saying, ‘Fuck me.’ – CB

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.  When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being recreated.” – Brenda Ueland….”too bad men can’t listen with their dicks since they already think with them!” – CB

“You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.” Sidonei-Gabrielle Colette…”unless you’re installing Clarity – then just pray for death.” – SJ

”People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim” – Ann Landers…”What a buzz kill!” – CB

“You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you’re going to live. Now.” – Joan Baez….””I choose life – without Clarity.” – CB

“I came out of the womb a diva. All it means is that you know your worth as a woman.” – Cindi Lauper…”but I thought Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?” – CB

“I don’t believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoy the process.” – Oprah Winfrey…”If you don’t enjoy the process, you’re just fucked.” – SJ

“Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone’s life forever.” – Margaret Cho…”Thank you Mother Teresa.” – CB

“One of the most rewarding and beautiful moments of a friendship happens in the unforeseen open spaces between planned activities. It is important that you allow these spaces to exist.” – Christine Leefeldt….”They also happen over a pitcher of margaritas.” – SJ

“Touch the lightbulbs in your house with a scent and watch your rooms turn into a garden.” – Estee Lauder…”Clarity smells like shit.” – CB

“Being powerful is like being like a lady.  If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher…”Why don’t I just wear a shirt that says ‘I don’t have a penis’?” – CB

“See into life – don’t just look at it.” – Anne Baxter…”See life through your margarita glass and you’ll enjoy and appreciate it more.” – SJ

“Vitality! That’s the pursuit of life, isn’t it?” – Katharine Hepburn…”so is Captain….” – CB

“I consider sex a misdemeanor – the more I miss, de meaner I get.” – Mae West

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.” – Joan Rivers

“It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.” – Tallulah Bankhead

“The key to change….is to let go of fear.” – Rosanne Cash…”The key to change…is to count it twice.” – CB

“Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.” – Virginia Woolf…”I go to the bottle.” – CB

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” – Lily Tomlin

–        Joan Rivers.

 We should pass a new law. Nobody can get famous just by sleeping with a celebrity and getting naked in a magazine. You have to make a contribution to society first. You can still be in Playboy, you just have to do something worthwhile beforehand. ‘I’ve developed a vaccine, and I’d like to show you my breasts.’ Go ahead, you’ve earned it.

–        Elayne Boosler.

 In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man~ if you want anything done, ask a woman.

-Margaret Thatcher

 A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t.

-Rhonda Hansome

 Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

-Laurie Kuslansky

 A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

-Carrie Snow

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they’d never been born the first time?

-Katharine Whitehorn

 People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.

-Rebecca West

  To err is human, but it feels divine.

-Mae West

 It’s not the men in my life that count, it’s the life in my men.

-Mae West

A friend is one who knows all about you and likes you anyway.

-Christi Mary Warner

 Why is it when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?

-Lily Tomlin

 No matter how big or soft or warm your bed is, you still have to get out of it.

-Grace Slick

 Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend.

-Zenna Schaffer

  I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

-Rita Rudner

 A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows.

-Monica Piper

 One more drink and I’ll be under the host.

-Dorothy Parker

 I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

-Bette Midler

 I’m furious about the Women’s Liberationists. They keep getting up on soapboxes and proclaiming that women are brighter than men. That’s true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket.

             -Anita Loos

If homosexuality is a disease, let’s all call in queer to work: “Hello. Can’t work today. Still Queer.”  -Robin Tyler

Food is like sex – when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.  – Beth McCollister

I’m a red-blooded woman who doesn’t feel guilty about making love. If a lover wants to experiment with handcuffs, then that’s fair enough for me! What’s the point in holding back that side of your personality if it’s horny and turns you both on? – Christina Aguilera

A woman isn’t complete without a man. But where do you find a man – a real man – these days?  – Lauren Bacall

[My] cleavage is a distraction to me. It screws up every outfit I wear. – Jessica Simpson

I have always adored beautiful young men.  Just because I grow older, my taste doesn’t change. So if I can still have them, why not? – Brigitte Bardot

Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution. – Mae West

It’s the friends that you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.  – Marlene Dietrich

I try not to drink too much because I’m drunk, I bite.  – Bette Midler

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow. – Mary Anne Radmacher

We choose those we like; with those we love, we have no say in the matter. – Mignon McLaughlin

The world makes you into a bitch, no matter how quietly you go, so you may as well go kicking and screaming. – Roseanne

When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. – Erma Bombeck

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. – Tammy Faye Messner

It’s a lot easier being black than gay. At least if you’re black you don’t have to tell your parents. – Judy Carter