Ok – first, here’s what my ad says: SWF seeking the right guy to enjoy life with. I’ve got a stable job, a good home, no children. Looking for a man who can romance me and travel with me. Interests range from camping in the summer time to snuggling in front of the fire during the harsh Ohio winters. I don’t like drama, I’m laid back, work out with a trainer once a week and am not a clingy girl. I can take care of myself, no sugar daddies necessary, just want someone to complement my life. Please include a pic with your reply and tell me more about yourself! •  Location: Massillon, Ohio •

Sweet Jesus – as soon as the ad posted, I got 12 responses in two hours.  Which tells me two things – one, people spend way too much time on Craigslist waiting to jump on the newest thing to be posted and two, there are way too many men trying to find a woman in this county.

So here we go – the best of the best of Craigslist! And these are only the guys who sent pictures – I haven’t even looked at the ones who just replied because where’s the fun in that? LOL

 Christopher –   “hi, Im a 33 SWM from alliance.  I liked your profile and you sound too good to be true.  Im a chemist at a water plant.  I have no kids.” 

Guys, please don’t send anyone topless pictures of yourself – what is up with that?? Why do you guys think we want to see your chest hair – or lack thereof – or undefined arms, or a sixpack we could eat our lunch off of.  Can’t you just be normal and send a picture with your clothes on? Really makes me wonder what you’d be wearing if I met you out! LOL

Then we have John – “My name is John, I live in Canton, single, never married, no kids, drug and disease free, 5’4″ tall, age 44, workout three times per week at Bally’s, enjoy camping, traveling, nights out, and nights at home.  I’m looking for someone who is comfortable in all social settings since I like to be active in the community.  I prefer the more tropical vacation locales, been camping as a youth in Scouting and now as an adult at various private adult clubs.  My ultimate dream job would be an acting job in Hollywood.  Hit me up if interested in chatting or meeting sometime.  John”

I have a question – what’s an adult camping club??

 So we have Karl:

“My name is Karl and I’m a divorced business owner in Hudson.  I also love to travel – this past Summer I took my daughter to Tokyo – that was a blast!  I have two kids in a shared arrangement and I have them every other week.  If we were to go on an extended trip my ex would have no problem keeping the kids for and extended period.  I would love to find someone to go to the UK with where I have good friends with a fantastic place to stay at in Bath.  Have you ever been to the UK?  I’ve been there on numerous occasions, including Stonehenge on the Spring Equinoxe.  I haven’t had an opportunity to take the EuroStar from London to Paris – wouldn’t that be fun?

I’m also a member of LifeCenter here in Hudson where I love to play racquetball and workout.  I’m 30 lbs heavier in this pic than I am now – right now I’m 6’1 230.  I also LOVE to ski, and it looks like it might be a good year for that.  I’ve skiid all over, including from the top of Mt Blanc in the Alps.  Do you ski by any chance?  If you haven’t, I used to be an instructor….;)

Anyhow, I would love to hear back from you.

Camelot awaits.

Karl”

Camelot’s gonna keep waiting, buddy.  Wow – and here’s another thing guys – don’t send pictures of you with your cat because that just screams GAY to me (Love gay men, but normally straight women don’t want to date them!). 

Allow me to introduce you to Bill

“Hi I’m 49 years old I looked at your post and am interested in you.. I am 5’9″ 240 lbs blue eyes blond and gray hair. I would like to get to know you.    I am one woman man. loyal and brutally honest, if you don’t want to know don’t ask.    

                             Waiting Bill     “

Did you do a double take like I did? God is really letting someone look like this??  Bill’s gonna be waiting along with Karl and his Camelot.

Then we have Big Nick “hello  im 31yr  5ft5 130lbs  i  live in wadsworth  i  have two kids  they stay with there mom   im lokking  for  freinds  and see where it goes   heres my pic  nick  thanks”

Not sure where the Big comes from but I would never want to find out.  He’s a man of few words: Ahhhhh gotta love the spelling.  The best part is, when these guys respond to the ad, it uses their real email addresses.   Big Nick’s name on the email account he used to respond to the ad? Linda.  Yes, that’s right, Linda.  Which says either he doesn’t have his own email, and who in the hell doesn’t have email any more, or he’s using his girlfriend’s/wife’s computer.  NICE.

*shudder* and people wonder why I don’t go out to bars?? Who wants to meet these guys for real?!?