Arizona: it’s illegal to take naked photographs before noon on Sunday.

            Arkansas: anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it’s all used up.

            California: it is illegal to cry on the witness stand in L.A. courts.

            California: it is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.

            Colorado: a pet cat, if loose, must have a tail-light.

            Georgia: it’s illegal to fart at the state fair.

            Hawaii: it’s illegal to have pennies in your ears.

            Idaho: no frowning in public.

            Missouri: drunkenness is considered an “inalienable right.”

            New York: a $25 fine can be levied for flirting.

I think you get the picture.  Reviewing stupid-ass laws such as these makes me want to propose some of my own…

It should be illegal to use a public restroom and not wash your hands. You are wiping your cootch, holding your dick or wiping your ass – to not wash your hands is absolutely disgusting, you gross fuckers.

 It should be illegal to puke in a bar because you’ve had too much to drink.  Nothing makes everyone else NOT want to drink like the sweet odor of vomit.

 It should be illegal for women to wear spandex with granny panties. For that matter, all panty lines should be outlawed.

 It should be illegal for people to not wear adequate deodorant on a daily basis. That goes for showering daily, too.

 It should be illegal for people to leave pictures of their ex’s on their social networking pages.  We hated the cunt when you were dating her, we don’t want to keep seeing pictures of her when we visit your page.

 It should be illegal for men to wear more than two rings on their hands – and yes, that’s 2 rings for every 10 fingers. A man wearing seven rings had better be in a strapless beaded gown and stilletto’s because that’s just gay!

 It should be illegal for strippers who have lost at least 30 pounds to deny that they lost it do it coke.  We all know you’re cokeheads, it’s ok, Jesus loves you.

 It should be illegal for ugly people to procreate.

 It should be illegal for 45 year old women to dress like 25 year old women.  You look like idiots – stop doing it.

 It should be illegal for women to cut off their bangs.

 It should be illegal to have more cats in your home than human members of a household.

 It should be illegal for Notre Dame to lose a football game. Maybe that would keep that school from hiring jackass, weeble-wobble coaches like Charlie Weis and actually have a winning season. Damn Catholics.

 It should be illegal for a guy’s arms to get so bulked up that they won’t rest easily at their side. You just look weird, are not nearly as sexy as He-Man and it just gives me the heebie-jeebies.

 It should be illegal to have a unibrow.

 It should be illegal to be an annoying drunk. Because I never get annoying when I’m drunk – I get happy, pissed, cry, sing, dance, fight, talk about sex quite loudly and sleep with the wrong men, but I never get annoying when I’m drunk.

 Thank you – have a nice day. LOL

 In Alabama, boogers may not be flicked into the wind.  Because, you know, that’s just rude if you flick a booger and it lands on someone.

 Also in Alabama, you cannot drive barefooted.  Now I have driven barefooted, usually when I’m drunk and kick off my shoes in the summer time because my feet are killing me.  And to be honest, it’s fucking awkward to drive barefoot! Why is that??

 You also cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant in Alabama.  What’s scary is that they actually voted on and passed a low about that – so this was once a big issue for Alabama. Three cheers for rednecks!

 To my friends in Alaska, be careful – because in Fairbanks, it’s illegal to feed a moose alcoholic beverages.  But can you give them a Coke?

 You crazy Alaskans also need to be careful on where you live – when you’re moving that trailer across the city, you are not allowed to be living in it. 

 Finally, and now I’m recalling something about Alaska having a high rate of alcoholism or something, you cannot tie your pet dog to the roof of your car.  Again – I have to ask – this was SUCH an issue that they passed a law for it?

 Again with the fucking alligators – in Arkansas, alligators cannot be kept in bathtubs.

 Watch out you hunters – you can’t hunt camels in Arkansas.  Pause for a moment.  Camels.  I’m pretty sure they are NOT indigenous to Arkansas?

 Have you ever heard of “Sommer teeth?”  Some are there, some aren’t….get it?  Well in Arkansas, it’s illegal for anyone over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.  I’ll let you reread that.  Yes – it means that they ENCOURAGE sommer teeth.   Ahhhhhhh Love rednecks!

 Finally, in Arkansas, it is illegal to have more than two dildo’s in one house.  I’d be screwed!

 In Connecticut, you can be arrested for biking over 65 MPH.  If you can bike over 65 MPH you need to be kicking some ass at the Tour de France.

 In Miami, Florida, it’s illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.  Ok, first of all, what about South Beach.  Second of all, so spaghetti straps are ok? LMAO

 Watch your farts while you’re in Florida – you can’t fart in a public place after 6:00 pm on Thursdays.  All I can think is that someone had some massively explosive fart one Thursday evening that was so devastating that such a specific law had to be passed.  Be careful at the state fair in Georgia too – it’s illegal to fart there at all.

 Apparently Idaho is going for the happiest state or something – it’s illegal to frown in public.

 They also want to play it safe in Idaho, so when you go fishing, leave your elephant at home – it’s illegal to fish on the back of an elephant. Again – I didn’t know elephants were so prevalent in Idaho.  I thought animals like elephants and camels were indigenous to, I don’t know, other fucking continents??

 In Youngstown,Ohio,  it’s illegal to run out of gas.  So not only do you find yourself screwed because you have to hoof it to a gas station, but you could also get a ticket? Always knew that town was corrupt!

 Hey you smokers out there – better be careful while you’re in Indiana! It’s illegal to swallow lighters there.  Because, you know, sometimes we swallow those fuckers.  WHAT?

 Aren’t you glad I found this app for my iTouch? LOL